Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
