She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
