Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
