My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
