You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
