i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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