You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
