Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
