yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
