I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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