Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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