Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
