All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
