Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
