I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
