'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
