i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize