Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We have started to decorate penises.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
