The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
