Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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