I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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