nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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