FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
