Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
