I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Come on in and take your pants off
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