check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
