guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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