TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
