i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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