Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
