i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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