I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
