Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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