some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
