I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
