Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
