you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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