he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We left the knife in your bed.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
