Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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