she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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