Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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