i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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