it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
