What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
