Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
