you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
