sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
