some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
