You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
