if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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